Category Archives: My “take”

October 24, 2008 · 8:40 am

How to survive an economic crisis – part 2

Ok….so I have to do a follow up to my blog earlier this week – with several suggestions on ways to cut back to survive the looming economic crisis. (which by the way if you haven’t been following the comments – there are some great additional suggestions posted  – read them here)

While all these cost cutting measures may be effective – you could still find yourself stressed out by financial concerns and worries as well as having those months, seasons or even years where the ends simply don’t meet. Despite our “bare bones” living, we still have many times where the money runs out before the month does.  We have also experienced things seemingly outside our control like –  unemployment, loss of income, business going bust, unexpected medical expenses, housing depreciation (we bought at the top of the market in 1990 and our home lost value for seven years!) and other financial hardships that no amount of cutting back would solve.  I mean really, when you go from two incomes to none…you have nothing to work with.

So how do you survive an economic crisis at that point?

You trust God…

….not yourself, any man or woman, your employer, your company or the government!

 

Many Christians are quick to say, out of their mouths, that they trust God…but then continue on with their “laundry list” of fears, worries and concerns about how they are not going to make it.  I try to bite my tongue and just listen sympathetically but sometimes I just can’t help myself and I have to point out that they are really not trusting God. (ok, so sometimes I can be a bit forthright)

If we truly trust God with our finances then we should have complete peace, assurance and confidence not anxiety, fear and insecurity.  Now don’t start thinking that I have it all together or am judging you in any way if you voice your financial fears.  I struggle with trust as much as anyone….it is just that I have personally seen the Lord provide for my family over & over & over again when we have been in desperate and unimaginable circumstances and each time my faith is strengthened and I am stronger and more faithful with each hardship that comes my way. When friends say to me – “I wish I had your faith or I wish I had that peace”, I am quick to point out that the faith and peace are a result of the life I have lived, they are not just a personality trait, gift, talent or the “way God made me”. Actually I am no different than anyone else. Faith and peace have been cultivated and grown through our Biblical responses to the hardships in our lives. I guess you can say – “practice makes perfect”.  (Ie: If you want strong faith and a life of peace – ask God to bring on the hardships! LOL)

God has “proved” Himself faithful to us time and again. (not that He needs to prove anything – but nonetheless He has)   Over the years the Lord has provided in so many different ways  –

  • being surprised with an incredibly low gas & electric bill
  • getting an unexpected end of the year car insurance rebate
  • a parent at the high school blessing us with a gas and grocery store gift card just in the nick of time and for no apparent reason other than to say, thank you
  • a surprise Christmas bonus
  • the neighbors who run a catering business asking us to “please” take their extras off their hands
  • bags of groceries left on the front porch during very hard times
  • dear friends who have seen a practical need in our home and decided to provide it for us (we were just recently blessed with new windows in our entire home, extra insulation & ceiling fans by someone who saw our problem and decided that they wanted to solve it)
  • an opportunity for a “side job” like coaching, supervising Saturday School, doing handyman work or someone coming by and makes a large purchase from my CM business right when it is most needed
  • someone giving us their used car when they no longer need it – apologizing that it probably will last just a couple more years (and then on faith & fumes it continues to drive for seven years – amazing!)

I could go on and on sharing both the little and big ways that God has met our needs (and even many of our wants) – but I really just want to encourage you that yes, He does provide.  It may not always be in the way you expect or look the way you think it should look – but He does come through every time.  And He always will.

He is worthy of our trust!  You can count on Him.  Here is His promises to us from the His word (Matthew 6:25-34) .

 “For this reason I say to you, do not be worried about your life, as to what you will eat or what you will drink ; nor for your body, as to what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air, that they do not sow, nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not worth much more than they?

And who of you by being worried can add a single hour to his life? And why are you worried about clothing ? Observe how the lilies of the field grow; they do not toil nor do they spin, yet I say to you that not even Solomon in all his glory clothed himself like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which is alive today and tomorrow is thrown into the furnace, will He not much more clothe you?

You of little faith! (Ok so the Lord is a bit forthright too!)

Do not worry then, saying, ‘What will we eat?’ or ‘What will we drink?’ or ‘What will we wear for clothing?’ “For the Gentiles eagerly seek all these things; for your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things.

“But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.

“So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. (Amen! We could all use a little dose of this advice, heh?)

Coming soon – part 3, part 4 and perhaps even a part 5 to surviving the economic crisis….but for today let’s all simply….

Trust God!

 

3 Comments

Filed under Attitude, Economics, My "take", Overcoming

October 21, 2008 · 10:54 am

How to survive an economic crisis

Finally something in the news that I have expertise in.

I am an expert on the subject of economic crisis….no really, I am!  I mean after all I have lived most of my adult life (except for a few short “glory years” of phenomenal success with my home based business) in a state of economic crisis. (which perhaps is why I am not stressed out by the constant news reports – it is life as normal for us!)

Every time my dear darling hubby and I get his social security report showing his earnings since he was 16,  I look to see if he has yet to make the income level he made the year before we were married (1985) when he was in management for a wine cooler company. (not to diminish the love of my life’s leadership skills but he has said himself that all you had to do to be in management was to not come to work high.)

Don’t get me wrong…“I am NOT complaining!”.  This is the life we have chosen and honestly we would not have it any other way. 

  • When we got married we committed our lives to the service of others in full time ministry to teenagers.  We spent the first four years of our life together as youthpastors before moving on to becoming teachers & counselors in Christian high school education.  After 10 years in one school just when we were beginning to “get ahead” financially we both left our jobs (Ok, I got fired….another story for another day) and lived by faith for the next 18 months as we forged ahead to start a new Christian high school in our area which emphasized discipleship and Biblical world view training.  We chose to work for a lower salary in Christian education because we are passionate about the lives that it touches!
  • We have also chosen to give the Lord control of the size of our family and have been blessed with seven children to love and provide food, shelter and clothing for.  According to the national poverty level guidelines – we have lived at or just slightly above poverty level for much of the past two decades.  (although I will argue with anyone that what we consider “poverty” in the USA is nothing close to poverty at all)
  • We have also chosen to live in the Central Valley of California, which despite it being one of the least expensive places in this state to live…it is still has at least a 15% – 20% higher cost of living than most places that we could live in this country.

So yes, I am an expert at surviving economic crisis.  Here are my timely tips for those who might be wondering how they are going to survive the trying times being predicted ahead of us.

How to survive an economic crisis 

1.Learn to live with inconveniences or without what some may consider necessities. (but really they might be luxuries) Currently, we have a big hole in our bathroom sink

our shower faucets have to be turned on with a vice grip

 and we do not have a working air conditioner or dishwasher.  In the past we have had a myriad of things that others might see as necessities that we just have lived without or postponed fixing or purchasing.

What we are saving this year 

  • not purchasing a new bathroom sink – $150
  • not replacing the shower fixtures – $300
  • not purchasing a new dishwasher & washing dishes by hand – $400
  • not using the air conditioner this summer (since it does not work anyway!) – $600
  • not purchasing a new air conditioner $5,000 – $7,000
  • not using a pest control company to get rid of the varmints in the attic & under the house (we did have to take care of the termites!) – $600

 

2. Drive older used cars(even if they are “beat up” and unattractive) or if possible drive only one car. 

 We actually have had only one vehicle several different times in our lives and we survived just fine. (fond memories – I use to walk home from work when I was pregnant with number one and Dan was in bible college with our only car.  Another time we could not even fit our entire family in our one car to go to church together so a friend came and picked up some of us. For six months one year, I got up and drove Dan to school each day and he got a ride home with a student – anyone want extra credit?  Were these times inconvenient? Yes…but we survived then and could survive again)

What we are saving this year 

  • driving an old/beat up car with no payments, cheap insurance (yes it costs much less to only have liability insurance on a 12 year old car) & low registration – $5,000

And this photo is 8 months old – the trunk is now tied down with bungee cords – looking quite amusing.  Every time you hit a bump in the road, it bangs so hard it makes you jump (not that I am often found driving Dan’s car) But still it gets Dan, our two high schoolers and three other teenage gals to and from school everyday!

3. Get rid of cable TV– yes that is right – just cut it out.  We have never had cable television and have lived quite happily without it. (although that is not to say I wouldn’t enjoy the history, hallmark and cooking channels)  Other extras you could consider cutting out – extra telephones, extra services on those cell phones etc….

What we are saving this year

  • not having cable TV – $500 to $900

 4. Take a “vanity” inventory.  Do you and or your children really need those new/stylish clothes, manicures, pedicures or regular hair cuts, color and styles?

What we are saving this year 

  • on never getting a manicure or pedicure and only getting my hair cut/colored every 8 months (as opposed to every 4 months which it needs!) – $250 to $500
  • the kids wearing hand-me-downs and never buying anything new but shoes & underwear – $1,000 – $2,000

5. Eat at home and pack lunches for school/work. Be prepared and find inexpensive meals that still fill up the family. (and do not eat out – probably one of the single greatest expenses for many families – this adds up faster than you realize!)

What we are saving this year 

  • for eating very “inexpensive” meals like beans & rice several times a week – $1,000

 6. Nix the nice vacations! Go on camping vacations or be creative and swap homes with someone if you live in a vacation destination (which we do not!). Kids do not need fancy hotels, resorts, cruises or even Disneyland to have a good time – in fact I am willing to bet that the best memories are made on simple “back to nature” vacations. Of course many years we saved even more by camping in our back yard!

What we are saving this year 

  • for taking a week long camping vacation instead of a hotel/cabin rental vacation – $1,200+ (of course we are saving $5,000+ by never going to Disneyland with our family of nine)

7. Live in a house smaller than what you “need”.  And you do not need a bedroom for every child and most families could survive quite well on 1,500 square feet or less.  In the towns we build homes for in Mexico – a family of 6 to 9 live in a 320 square foot home with no indoor bathroom or kitchen. (and they are quite happy I might add!) I could live in a tent if I had to! 🙂

What we are saving this year 

  • living in a 1400 square foot/ 3 bedroom home – the 6 girls in one bedroom, 1 boy (but hopefully soon a few more) in the other room  and Dan the Man & myself in the 3rd bedroom as opposed to living in a 4 or 5 bedroom home – $12,000 – $15,000 (includes extra mortgage, taxes, insurance & homeowners association fees and utility expenses)

8. Skip the fancy birthday parties, professional photos, gifts for extended family– this always seems “harsh” or sad to people but really these are all negotiable expenses.  A backyard birthday party with homemade cake (costs $2.50 to make), free games & no goodie bags sent home (when did this tradition begin? – not in my youth!) is perfectly ok!

You do not need to order those school photos, sports or prom pictures. Get out your camera and take a few photos (if you need photo tips – they are out there everywhere!) – more formal & fun ones.  The only professional ones we splurge on are the 1 year old & senior pics!

We have more than three dozen extended family members alone – although we would really LOVE to purchase gifts for them all at every birthday, Christmas and special occassion we just don’t have the funds –  a phone call, email greeting or simple card sharing your heartfelt love – is a blessing! We do try to save up a little money for the “milestone” events (25th, 50th anniversary’s, the big decade birthdays & weddings)  Now..please don’t think we are “stingy” – we do sponsor every short term missions trip that people ask us to support, give to World Vision and a couple missionaries as well as blessing others as the Lord touches our hearts (which is often).

What we are saving this year 

  • on only purchasing birthday and Christmas gifts for our children but not extended family members –  $700
  • on birthday parties (if this looks skewed – remember we have 7 kids) – $700
  • on not purchasing professional photos around every corner – $200 – $500 

9.  Stop the Starbucks habit or at least cut back.  For years this was about the only “luxury” we gave ourselves several times a week since we live fairly “bare bones”.  But since doing the fat flush, we are down to just a couple times a month. (for those not coffee drinkers – perhaps it is Jamba Juice or fast food french fries or your daily soda addiction that you could cut out or reduce)

What we are saving this year 

  • not drinking Starbucks 3x a week (x Dan & Myself) – $800 (we drink the “cheap” stuff – $2.55 a cup)

    10.  Since 10 tips sound better than 9 – this is my personal favorite (and please do not hate me – I am just not an animal person) Do not get a new pet! (sorry girls, I just found another reason in my long list of not getting a puppy for Daniel)

What we are saving this year 

  • on not having a dog (food/vaccinations/vet bills/paying for him to be cared for while we are on vacation/grooming) – $500-$800

 Ok so how much have I saved just this year by living in a state of personal economic crisis??

anywhere from $30,000 – $33,000

(with at least $22,000 of that being annual expenses not one time purchases/replacements that just might be a once a decade expense, like replacing an air conditioner or dish washer)  

Wow…that is an amazing amount of money – another whole salary.  Of course it is a good thing that we “save” these expenses since we do not have this money to spend in the first place.   And honestly….even though we live a pretty “bare bones”existence, I know there is still much, much more we could cut back on and still survive. (yes, if I had to I could eat beans & rice 5x a week, live without cell phones, drive less & walk more, not get my hair done at all, decrease electrical/water expenses….and on & on & on)  

If you are fretting over the future or being stressed out that your financial future is in peril – be encouraged – there are probably multitudes of things you could cut out/sell/change about your current life that would help you weather the storm quite easily. (I would love to hear about them – do share!)

So take a big breath and relax – we can all survive an economic crisis!

9 Comments

Filed under Attitude, Blessings, Determination, Economics, Life at the Lambdins, Lifes Challenges, My "take"

October 19, 2008 · 11:12 pm

Confessions of a one issue voter

WARNING!  If political debates or “hot topic” issues cause your blood pressure to rise, get you depressed or incite you to start cursing at your computer screen – you may want to skip reading this post today. Read on at your own risk. 

Ok….so I am a one issue voter.  Whether you agree with me and are saying “Amen, Sister!”, think I am crazy, foolish or vehemently disagree and want to scream at me – I hope you can respect me for my passion and commitment to my beliefs or at the very least “tolerate” me (as it seems would be the “politically correct” thing to do – although I find very little tolerance for many of my Christian tenets from those who scream tolerance the loudest…but I digress….). 

Here are my core beliefs:

  • I believe that life begins at conception(ie: the minute a sperm & egg meet a human being is created – this is an area where both religion & science agree with me – so that should make us all in agreement on at least one point!)
  • I believe all life deserves a chance to be lived to it’s fullest – whether that “full life” is hours, days, years or decades or whether that full life has it’s challenges, hardships, handicaps or disabilities (what life does not include some of these?).
  • I believe that deliberately taking that life is murder. (dictionary definition – “to kill or slaughter inhumanly or barbarously”  I consider scraping a baby from a mother’s womb piece by piece as in 1st trimester abortions as inhumane.  I consider 2nd & 3rd trimester and partial birth abortions as barbaric. I consider leaving a baby alone to die after a botched abortion as infanticide – the act of killing an infant)
  • I believe that murder is breaking one of the 10 Commandments, is a sin and is morally wrong (I must add here that like all sin,  it is forgivable – thank God for His amazing love, mercy & grace for us all)
  • I believe that murder/abortion should be illegal in our country
  • I believe that abortion is not a “right” nor should be a “choice” (we should not have a right to murder or again we should not have a choice to end the life of a innocent baby)
  • I believe that I will stand before God one day and give an account for my actions or in-actions when it comes to what I did to help stop the aborting of 3,000 innocent babies each day in the USA.

Because of that belief I have:

  • volunteered for and supported with my time, talent and money many Crisis Pregnancy Centers.
  • taught against abortion to thousands of teenagers whom I have worked with for the past 28 years.
  • encouraged those teens as well as the many others in my sphere of influence to do something to help end abortions.
  • was privileged to have intervened with one of those students who was just moments from having an abortion (truly she was inside the abortion clinic, as was I – it is quite a story!). She now has a beautiful 20 year old daughter and thanks the Lord daily that she did not end her child’s life. (she came by my home several years ago and with tears in her eyes expressed her tremendous gratitude for my “guts” that day)
  • participated in a peaceful demonstration in front of an abortion clinic in 1988 which resulted in closing the clinic for a day and in my arrest. (and I promise it was peaceful….singing worship songs and praying – no yelling, screaming, no signs or posters).
  • helped many single mothers – physically, emotionally, spiritually and financially – who have chosen to have and raise their children rather than have an abortion.
  • am in the process of trying to adopt a baby from a crisis pregnancy center whose mother was in crisis and has chosen adoption over abortion.
  • always voted for elected officials who do not support abortion as well as always voted for propositions that are pro-life or that will limit/restrict abortions and/or abortion funding.
  • taught my children that abortion is wrong and encouraged them to be involved in all of the above. I want them to be passionate about this issue! (which means in the next decade + a few years there will be, at the very least, seven more pro-life/anti-abortion activists out there.  Hmmmmm….and if they each are blessed with seven children (which is highly likely as they all want lots of sweet babies!), then there will hopefully be 49 more joining the cause.  By the time I am a great gramama….there could be well over 300 one issue voters just from the Lambdin clan alone – perhaps there is hope we can turn things around. Wait that could mean 2,000 – 2,500 of us in just three more generations…wow!  Opps, I got carried away and caused the over population crowd to hyper ventilate!)

I am posting this article from a professor at Princeton University that sums up why I can not/will not vote for Senator Obama. (On a side note….please do not even begin to think/say that I am racist – it could not be farther from the truth – I have voted for Alan Keyes several times and…just wait to see the race of our soon to be adopted child/children!  Also, are you aware that the highest number of abortions in the USA are performed on black women? – I want to save those precious black babies as well as help those women in crisis pregnancies. I hate that during this election process I have often felt like I needed to “prove” that I am not racist…but once again I digress….) No matter which side of this abortion issue you fall, I hope you will read this article to the end and give it some serious consideration. (I have only included a part of it here on my blog…please click on the link at the end to get the entire article)

Obama’s Abortion Extremism

by Robert George

Oct 14, 2008
Sen. Barack Obama’s views on life issues ranging from abortion to embryonic stem cell research mark him as not merely a pro-choice politician, but rather as the most extreme pro-abortion candidate to have ever run on a major party ticket.

 

Barack Obama is the most extreme pro-abortion candidate ever to seek the office of President of the United States. He is the most extreme pro-abortion member of the United States Senate. Indeed, he is the most extreme pro-abortion legislator ever to serve in either house of the United States Congress.

Yet there are Catholics and Evangelicals-even self-identified pro-lifeCatholics and Evangelicals – who aggressively promote Obama’s candidacy and even declare him the preferred candidate from the pro-life point of view.

What is going on here?

I have examined the arguments advanced by Obama’s self-identified pro-life supporters, and they are spectacularly weak. It is nearly unfathomable to me that those advancing them can honestly believe what they are saying. But before proving my claims about Obama’s abortion extremism, let me explain why I have described Obama as “pro-abortion” rather than “pro-choice.”

According to the standard argument for the distinction between these labels, nobody is pro-abortion. Everybody would prefer a world without abortions. After all, what woman would deliberately get pregnant just to have an abortion? But given the world as it is, sometimes women find themselves with unplanned pregnancies at times in their lives when having a baby would present significant problems for them. So even if abortion is not medically required, it should be permitted, made as widely available as possible and, when necessary, paid for with taxpayers’ money.

The defect in this argument can easily be brought into focus if we shift to the moral question that vexed an earlier generation of Americans: slavery. Many people at the time of the American founding would have preferred a world without slavery but nonetheless opposed abolition. Such people – Thomas Jefferson was one – reasoned that, given the world as it was, with slavery woven into the fabric of society just as it had often been throughout history, the economic consequences of abolition for society as a whole and for owners of plantations and other businesses that relied on slave labor would be dire. Many people who argued in this way were not monsters but honest and sincere, albeit profoundly mistaken. Some (though not Jefferson) showed their personal opposition to slavery by declining to own slaves themselves or freeing slaves whom they had purchased or inherited. They certainly didn’t think anyone should be forced to own slaves. Still, they maintained that slavery should remain a legally permitted option and be given constitutional protection.

Would we describe such people, not as pro-slavery, but as “pro-choice”? Of course we would not. It wouldn’t matter to us that they were “personally opposed” to slavery, or that they wished that slavery were “unnecessary,” or that they wouldn’t dream of forcing anyone to own slaves. We would hoot at the faux sophistication of a placard that said “Against slavery? Don’t own one.” We would observe that the fundamental divide is between people who believe that law and public power should permit slavery, and those who think that owning slaves is an unjust choice that should be prohibited.

Just for the sake of argument, though, let us assume that there could be a morally meaningful distinction between being “pro-abortion” and being “pro-choice.” Who would qualify for the latter description? Barack Obama certainly would not. For, unlike his running mate Joe Biden, Obama does not think that abortion is a purely private choice that public authority should refrain from getting involved in. Now, Senator Biden is hardly pro-life. He believes that the killing of the unborn should be legally permitted and relatively unencumbered. But unlike Obama, at least Bidenhassometimes opposed using taxpayer dollars to fund abortion, thereby leaving Americans free to choose not to implicate themselves in it. If we stretch things to create a meaningful category called “pro-choice,” then Biden might be a plausible candidate for the label; at least on occasions when he respects your choice or mine not to facilitate deliberate feticide.

The same cannot be said for Barack Obama. For starters, he supportsThe same cannot be said for Barack Obama. For starters, he supports legislation that would repeal the Hyde Amendment, which protects pro-life citizens from having to pay for abortions that are not necessary to save the life of the mother and are not the result of rape or incest. The abortion industry laments that this longstanding federal law, according to the pro-abortion group NARAL, “forces about half the women who would otherwise have abortions to carry unintended pregnancies to term and bear children against their wishes instead.” In other words, a whole lot of people who are alive today would have been exterminated in uterowere it not for the Hyde Amendment. Obama has promised to reverse the situation so that abortions that the industry complains are not happening (because the federal government is not subsidizing them) would happen. That is why people who profit from abortion love Obama even more than they do his running mate.

But this barely scratches the surface of Obama’s extremism. He has promised that “the first thing I’d do as President is sign the Freedom of Choice Act” (known as FOCA). This proposed legislation would create a federally guaranteed “fundamental right” to abortion through all nine months of pregnancy, including, as Cardinal Justin Rigali of Philadelphia has noted in a statement condemning the proposed Act, “a right to abort a fully developed child in the final weeks for undefined ‘health’ reasons.” In essence, FOCA would abolish virtually every existing state and federal limitation on abortion, including parental consent and notification laws for minors, state and federal funding restrictions on abortion, and conscience protections for pro-life citizens working in the health-care industry-protections against being forced to participate in the practice of abortion or else lose their jobs. The pro-abortion National Organization for Women has proclaimed with approval that FOCA would “sweep away hundreds of anti-abortion laws [and] policies.”

It gets worse.  …. Read whole article here

Further evidence for me – here is a short video clip of Senator Obama speaking at a Planned Parenthood event –

Because many elections and especially this election has proven to be very volatile and because we seem to live in a society that has ceased having polite discourse on the issues (especially the issue of abortion), I am sure that this post will cause more than a few to unsubscribe to my blog or vow to never read my writings again – which is yet another price I am willing to pay to live out my core beliefs. If I have influenced just one more person to be more actively involved in ending abortions and saving the lives of those babies, then I will have accomplished my purpose here.

For those that choose to leave….I am sad to say goodbye.  For the rest of you who stay…I will continue to strive to inspire, motivate, challenge and bless you along the way.

Lastly, I have to add – perhaps someone reading this blog is currently contemplating having an abortion – I beg you from the depths of my soul, not to go through with it.  I am willing to do whatever it takes to help you choose life for your unborn child. Email me at beth@bethlambdin.net and I promise to be there for you.

14 Comments

Filed under My "take", Pro-life

September 22, 2008 · 7:34 am

Teens – Terrible or Terrific?

We had a “milestone” birthday in our home this past week as my fourth daughter, Rebekah turned thirteen.

It is official!  We now have four teenage girls in our family…at the same time.

 When Rebekah was born her three older sisters were 18 months(Kristen), 3 years(Amy) and 6 years old (Michelle).

I remember many times during their childhood well meaning friends, acquaintances and even strangers would make comments about how dreadful, hard or horrible I would have it when they were all teenagers.  Most of the time I would just smile (ok, so maybe smile/smirk is more accurate) or politely laugh at their “doom & gloom” comments,  however occasionally I would proclaim with confidence my true sentiments – “Oh I can’t wait….I love teenagers!”

And it is true – I have loved teenagers my entire adult life.  I love their enthusiasm, idealism, passion, boundless energy(as well as their ability to sleep for hours on end), hope, faith, spontanaity, reckless abandon, independence and strength to name a few of the qualities of youth that I find very appealing.  But the never ending onslaught of negative comments did leave me wondering if I was headed for disaster down the road when I actually had teenagers living in my home.

Why is it that we live in a society that seems to have such a disdain for the teen years?  Why do so many parents look at these years as something to fear or dread rather than welcoming them with hope and excitement?  Once a child reaches thirteen they only have five or six years left in our homes…why then would we spend those years arguing, fighting or wishing away our short time together?

Or is it even true that parents do not enjoy their teenagers or is it just another one of those “parroting” issues where everyone feels they have to say disdainful things about teenagers because that is what everyone else is saying. (Even just yesterday, a poplular radio host that I listen to regularly responded with “I’m sorry” when the caller mentioned she had a teenager.  Of course it got a laugh – but I cringed inside as comments like this seem to add to the negative sentiments surrounding being a parent of teenagers.)

Most likely it is a combination of “parroting” as well as parents truly struggling with unappraciative, disrespectful, self centered teenagers who show them very little love. (that type of teenager doesn’t sound like much fun to me either)

Now if I merely had one teenager, I would never venture to give any advice, opinions, insights, ideas or even hints as to how to enjoy the teenage years but since I have four who run the gamut of personalities and dispositions (although at this point I don’t have any male teenagers – you’ll have to wait at least 15+ years for my “take” on that – although perhaps my dear friends Teri Helms, Christy Keyton or Ladonna Colton can “guest blog” on teenage boys) and because we are truly enjoying our teenagers, I will throw out my opinions for anyone who might be interested.

First let me say…that if you want to enjoy the teenage years…it starts way before they turn thirteen.  In fact, it begins with getting a good grip on your thirteen month old when they first start challenging your authority by directly doing what you just said “no” to them doing.  If you lose the battle of the wills with a toddler, you are sure to lose the war with a teenager.  Be strong and always, always, always win!

It also takes developing a solid, loving relationship with your child during those early years by spending tons of time with them (both quantity & quality), eating the vast majority of your dinners together as a family – at the dining room table (candlelight & music is a bonus!), enjoying lots of cuddling time together on the couch in the evenings or under the covers in the morning reading books, watching movies or just sharing life stories, worshipping together as a family, talking, talking and talking with them and being diligent to create meaningful memories on a regular basis.

In addition, I believe that besides “winning the battle of the wills” and developing a solid loving relationship that you need to indoctrinate them for many years before they come close to teenagedom as to the “rules” and boundaries in your household.  Here are some examples of ours –

1. We (Mom & Dad) can make your life miserable or wonderful – the choice is yours!  We highly recommend you choose wonderful but if you choose miserable we will follow through.

2. You are not the center of the universe or for that matter, the center of this family either.  It is NOT all about you….don’t forget this (of course it helps to realize this when you live in a family of nine)

3. It is “My way….or the highway”  Yes,that is correct if our teenager does not comply with our rules or chooses to live a life of continued disrespect or direct defiance, they will no longer have the option and privilege of living under our roof.  As hard as this would be to carry out, my children know that we would follow through.

4. No whining allowed!  We have more than most people in the world – a roof over our heads (no matter how much you think that roof should be bigger), food on our plates (even if it is beans & rice several times a week), clothes on our backs (in abundance – thanks to hand me downs!) and a loving, committed “in tact” family. What is there to complain about? Nothing!

5. No, you can’t have…

  • your own cell phone (we have a common “the girls” phone)
  • a myspace or facebook account until college (if you have that much free time – have I got a job for you! However, you can have a blog – feel free to write, write, write!)
  • your own car (nope you can’t even buy your own until after high school and no one else gets to buy one for you either) – you may use one of our cars as needed and with permission
  • a TV in your room (in fact you can’t even watch TV except on a very rare occasion)
  • your own room (and this is not just a logistical rule – it is our paradigm – no one needs their own room – even if we had eight bedrooms – there would be at least two to a room until the last child is here alone.)

6. You also can’t…

  • spend the night, go to parties or on out of town trips with families who we do not know intimately.
  • call, write or text boys (and yes when I have teenage boys they will not call, write or text girls in jr or sr high either – after that they can ask the young ladies father for permission to call, write or text)
  • date or “go out” in junior high or high school (including all definitions of the word – from casual going out for coffee with a member of the opposite sex to “committed” boyfriend/girlfriend relationships)
  • get body piercings, tattoos or any extreme hair coloring or styles
  • wear any immodest, inappropriate or culturally reactionary clothing (and the Mom gets to decide if something is ok) and a bonus – you get to wear dresses (and my sons will wear dress shirts & ties) to church, weddings, funerals, graduations or other significant events
  • go to movies that have not been approved by Mom & Dad (or our own resident movie censor – Michelle) – you can’t always go by ratings – I have seen outstanding movies rated PG13 and lousy crass movies rated PG
  • be lazy and not do your school work or not do it to the best of your ability
  • be disrespectful or rude to teachers, authority figures or any adults (even if they are wrong or rude – you will respect their position)
  • get away with not doing your household chores
  • ok and in case it is not obvious the “basics” are “you cant’s” too –  can’t do drugs, drink, smoke, break curfew, lie, cheat, steal etc….

7. You can….(ok, with all those “cant’s”  there does need to be a few perks – listed here are some things that other teens may not have the privilege of doing)

  • stay up as late as you want – it is simply your responsibility to get up in the morning
  • sleep in late on Saturday mornings as long as you are consistent each week with your chores
  • invite friends over most anytime – for dinner to spend the night, hang out, go on outings with us etc…
  • go on exciting trips and adventures anywhere in the world as long as you cover the costs and you are going/staying with an “approved” party
  • keep your room a mess (up until the point that Mom can’t walk in the room or it starts to smell)
  • wear “light” make up when you start high school & get your ears pierced when you turn 16 (gotta have something to look forward to! lol)
  • drink coffee
  • eat left over pie, cake or cookies for breakfast
  • listen to music as loud as you want (most of the time) providing it is Christian or on Mom’s list of “approved” show/movie tunes
  • skip school to do fun and exciting things like – going to the beach, apple hill or snow days, getting Dr Laura’s signature, attending the inauguration, going to New York for your 16th birthday
  • be as mad as you want at Mom or Dad…go to your room and shout in your pillow that you hate us and turn up your music (see above for restrictions) – just don’t slam a door, hit or throw anything or be disrespectful to our faces (have at it in your room or other space where we are not)

8. Glorify God in everything you say and do…ultimately you will answer to Him

Did I cover them all girls? 

Following these basic philosophies have resulted in six wonderful years of having teenagers in our home.  Michelle, Amy, Kristen & Rebekah, though each unique in their talents, gifts, abilities as well as having diverse personalities – they are all good, godly, respectful, mature, responsible, delightful and lovely young ladies, who happen to be teens!  They are truly a blessing to us and we have and will continue to enjoy the teenage years. (It’s a good thing since I have at least 18 more years of having one or more teenagers at home)

Happy Birthday Rebekah!

18 Comments

Filed under Blessings, Family Traditions, Life at the Lambdins, Motherhood, My "take", Raising Girls

July 4, 2008 · 6:56 pm

Shaking my head

As we were heading out the door to celebrate the 4th of July in Red Bluff with my in-laws, the girls and I ran over to Old Navy to pick up a few patriotic shirts. In previous years, Old Navy has always had fun, festive and affordable shirts and so I assumed it would be a quick “run in, run out” errand.

Besides being immediately disappointed in the colors of most of the “patriotic” apparel (baby blue, Caribbean blue, creme and orange based red are NOT our countries colors  – they are navy blue, a dark red and white)…I was very disturbed by the verbiage printed boldly on the front of these shirts.

“Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of….Boys.”  SAY WHAT??? There are so many things wrong with this proclamation being plastered on the front of a patriotic tank top being sold to girls and young ladies (at least I am assuming that is their target audience – I can’t imagine married women my age wearing such a slogan?!)

  • First why are we degrading our Declaration of Independence, written by some of the most educated, eloquent and brilliant men of all time by replacing the words “pursuit of happiness” to a trivial “pursuit of boys”? There is nothing even slightly amusing about that. It is offensive.
  • Secondly even if someone thinks I need to lighten up and that it is just a harmless play on words – tell me WHY we want to suggest  to girls that the “pursuit of boys” is something that is worthwhile, valauble or honorable?  It is certainly not what I want my daughters pursuing during their youth and season of singleness.  I want them to pursue….godliness, righteousness, charity, good works,education, wisdom, noble character, health, fitness, skills, maturity, selflessness and the list goes on! (and pursuing boys is not anywhere on the list – is it on yours for your daughters?)
  • In addition what girl do you know who honestly takes joy in pursuing versus being pursued?  Despite the boy crazy culture teenage girls live in with all its crassness, aggressive behavior and role reversals – I know that in their heart of hearts they want to be pursued, to be desired and to be sought out by a gentleman who respects, honors and treats them like a princess.  It is just the way the Lord made women.  Yet, we are standing by letting the current culture continue to shape girls attitudes and actions towards boys resulting in a host of unhappiness and unfulfillment of their God given desires.
  • Lastly – Why would anyone want their girls, teens or young ladies wear such a message on their chests?  Doesn’t it seem a bit pathetic? shallow? desperate? degrading?

The next shirt I picked up said – “Hot as a firecracker”  Don’t even get me started on how anyone would allow their minor daughter to wear such a statement.  Shaking my head, we left the store.

27 Comments

Filed under My "take", Raising Girls, Uncategorized