Stymied by the System!

 Many of you know we are in the middle of trying to adopt a baby brother (you can read about it at www.babybrother.wordpress.com) I posted this today on that blog site (created by my daughters) but thought I would post it here as well.

I know you have not heard from me in a month – but I am “back at it” and will be posting regularly again – I will also be back posting many of our Christmas family traditions that I didn’t get to over the holidays for you to enjoy and perhaps get some new ideas & inspiration for your family. Here is the post about our adoption roadblock.

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 Ok….for two months we have been walking through this very complex adoption process – but for us it feels like an eternity!

 We have:

• gotten complete physicals for both Dan and myself
• collected & copied all nine birth certificates for our family & our marriage certificate
• completed 35 pages of an application & questionnaires
• written complete & thorough autobiographies of both Dan & my lives from birth to present including our self analysis of our life experience
• taken a complete family photo (with our daughter Michelle in it – she was only home for 3 weeks) and had copies made
• photo copied all of our most recent bank statements & IRS forms
• signed & notarized release forms
• created a “Dear birth-mother album” with pictures & words describing our family, our home, our lifestyle & our extended friends & family
• received a background check & fingerprinting.

While it has all been very time consuming we know it will all be worthwhile.  BUT now we have a HUGE roadblock towards this adoption!

We cannot seem to get anyone to do our home study for less than $4,000 – that is in addition to the fees we will have to pay the agency of $7,000+.  We have raised $5,900 to date but that will not come close to covering both the adoption & the home study. 😦

I have been in contact with eight different agencies and have gotten the “run around” for days, before they finally end up declining to do our home study or want to charge us between $4,000 – $6,000.  The agencies that would “only” charge $1,500 are all licensed with the State of California & refuse to do our home study.

WHY you ask????

 This is why – We are again being stymied by the California State foster care/adoption “rules” of only two children per bedroom.  Those agencies feel like they can’t do our home study because we don’t meet that requirement.

It doesn’t matter that we have the happiest, most well adjusted children and could provide a warm, loving, supportive, fun filled home for another child. (such a joyful home & good family life that our dear friend, after reading our “Dear birth mother album” exclaimed, – “The birth mother is going to want you to adopt her!”) 

It is simply based on a stupid (sorry I am using such strong language but that is how strongly I feel about this) rule that you can only have two children per bedroom.

Let me share with you about our home.  It is not big by United States standards – we live in 1400 square feet –but it is more than enough room for us all to be comfortable.  We have:

•  a fabulous kitchen (thanks to a flood 3 years ago & a $20,000+ State Farm Insurance remodel!)
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• a dining room with a large dining table that we eat dinner together by candlelight every night.
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• a living room that is almost always clean (because it is Mom’s sanctuary) and is where we hang out & talk, sit by the fire, play the piano, read or look at photo albums.
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• a large “bonus” room that is a combo of Mom’s office homeschool room, storage and could be used as a bedroom if we ever “had” to (and is always a mess!)
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• And three bedrooms – The Master Bedroom (a whopping 11×12 room with a tiny bathroom) Our king size bed takes up the whole room and the baby sleeps in a pack-n-play in the corner.
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• One bedroom we have chosen to have as a small cozy TV/play room – with a sectional sofa – we all love this room. (although unless we come up with about $15,000+ to turn the garage into a bedroom/bathroom by the time the boys turn 3 it will change to the “boys” bedroom)
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• The “girls” room – Yes we currently have 5 girls in one room – BUT it works & they would not have it any other way.  After all what do you need a bedroom for other than sleeping & dressing?  We have two “Hollywood Bunks” in there that sleep three each and we have four dressers & a closet. You think that’s crazy – check out how well this works!
• And we have a LARGE backyard (bigger than any of those “new”homes being built in our area) WE have a covered back porch and a yard big enough to play croquet or badminton or even a small game of kick ball AND a full size swing set & fort. 

 Yet with all that – we do not qualify in the State of California. (The Brady Bunch wouldn’t qualify either!)

Don’t get me wrong – we can adopt in California.  We just can’t adopt through the licensed agencies here.  If we did a private adoption with someone we “met on the street” who wanted to give us their baby we could adopt simply with a legal document filed with the state.

Or we can pay $4,000 – $6,000 to get a home study done through a private adoption agency and move forward with our adoption plans through Tennesee…UGH!

So here we are – with the following options (and dropping it is NOT one of them!)

1.  Contract with the agency who will do it for $4,000 using much of the money raised so far (we have already spent hundreds just completing the application process) and trust God that He will provide the rest for the adoption agency in Tennessee.
2. Ask all our friends and blog subscribers if they know a licensed social worker in the Northern California area who would do the home study for us at what we have “budgeted” for ($1,000-$1,500)
3. Hope someone has nominated us for Extreme Home Makeover and that they are on their way to re-do our home within a weeks time! (although the girls would still all request to be in their own room – and that’s a FACT!)
4. We suddenly receive some inheritance or win the lottery (even though we don’t play!) and have $15,000 to spend on finishing off our garage and turning it into 2 bedrooms. 
5. Got any other ideas???  Or perhaps you know someone who could help us with the home study – we are a family who would LOVE to open up their home to a child in need!

If no other great ideas/solutions come our way, I guess we will once again walk through a door completely by faith and do the $4,000 home study…trusting God to provide the rest of the adoption money we need!

Pray!