Category Archives: Life Lessons

August 25, 2009 · 10:25 pm

Where there is a will…there is a way!

I grew up in a family who ate dinner together….

at the table…

with the TV turned OFF…

every night…

at 6pm. 

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My Mom and Dad raised four children who were active, healthy, drug, alcohol & tobacco free, high academic achievers, student leaders with solid moral standards and a strong Christian faith.  Now while I don’t think that eating dinner together regularly guarantees you parenting success, the statistics are pretty convincing that this sacred ritual is something worth making a priority in our homes.

Research by The National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse (CASA) at Columbia University consistently finds the more often children eat dinner with their families:

  • The less likely they are to smoke, drink or use illegal drugs  (100 – 191% less likely)
  • The less likely they are to have sex at young ages
  • They are at lower risk for thoughts of suicide and depression
  • They are more emotionally content and have fewer behavior problems
  • They have healthier eating habits
  • They do better in school  (academic performance went up 38%)
  • They are more likely to talk to their parents about a problem (40% more likely)

 And yet even with all these powerfully convincing statistics – I have found that many of my friends simply can’t seem to make it happen for their families.  We do live in a different world than the 60’s & 70’s when my parents were raising their family.  So many things have changed and there are so many challenges as well as activities “eating up” our time.

  • Many families have two working parents and are exhausted at the days end and trying to get a meal on the table and sit down together is overwhelming (I wrote a post last fall that might help this challenge – you can read it here)
  • Many families are split up – putting an amazing amount of pressure on the single parent as well as often times having the children going back & forth between two households
  • Many parents are working “odd” shifts” – swing shift or graveyard making it hard to share a meal together
  • Many children are involved in after school activities, clubs, sports, church youth groups etc… (and parents are transporting them to these activities, coaching or chaperoning) often making it a logistical nightmare trying to get everyone together
  • Even the parents have a long list of volunteer activities, book clubs, ladies & guys nights out, Bible studies and even home based businesses that take up night time hours

And yet…I believe if we really want to make it happen we can and we will!

This fall is especially challenging in the Lambdin household as we have three girls playing on soccer teams with varying practice schedules each weekday in the late afternoon/early evening, the high school girls are on the school volleyball team coached by their Daddy and that carload does not walk through the door before 6pm.  The first time we are actually all in the house consistently each evening is at 8pm.  Now that might work in a family without little ones….but my two year old is simply not going to wait to eat dinner that late (besides my metabolism won’t work as well eating a full meal at 8pm). 

As I began to work on our fall calendar this past weekend and realized our current dilemma I began to feel a bit frustrated that our schedules at this season of life are so complicated (you mommy’s of wee ones – be thankful for the less complicated season – hard, yes – but scheduling logistics, much simpler!).  I immediately began to brainstorm our options that would still give us time to sit down & take in a meal together –

  • 8pm dinners – NO,  for the reasons stated above
  • Give it up and just settle for dinner together on the weekends – NO, I am not the “settling” type of gal
  • Have a family breakfast together instead – NO, this would have to happen at 6:30am which means the high school girls & Dan would have to get up 30 minutes earlier than they already do, I would have to get up really early to prepare and mornings are not my best friend, not too mention dragging the 2 year old & 6 year olds out of bed would be a disaster

That is when I came up with this idea.   I will have dinner ready & out in the kitchen for the family to grab and eat from 4:30pm – 6:30pm.  Crock pot type meals that can stay warm and be ready to eat when needed.  (I welcome crock pot recipees – do share!) Paper plates or bowls for easy self clean up. They can eat at the table, at the desk doing homework, in the kitchen or while watching a DVD. They can eat by themselves or with whomever is around at their personal dinner time.  Then around 8pm every night we will all sit around the set table, candles lit, dinner music playing and have a light snack together with coffee or hot tea.  We will alternate between fruit & nuts, cheese/dips & crackers, light appetizers and desserts.  We will offer our prayers & blessing on the food, share stories of the day and enjoy sweet fellowship with the family.

We began last night as this is our first week of the craziness of our fall schedule and will continue this routine Monday through Thursdays (yay for weekend dinners together at 6pm!) until mid November when soccer and volleyball come to an end.  It was a perfect solution and everyone loved it!

Let me encourage you to make taking in a family meal together a real priority! (at the table, with the TV off  –> nice dishes, candles & music are a bonus!) If it helps even a little to keep your kids healthy, off drugs, not depressed, academic achievers with fewer behavior problems as well as more likely to talk to you – it is worth the effort…don’t you think?  Besides it is so enjoyable to spend time with those you love and the memories are priceless!

  Yes….where there is a will…there is a way!

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11 Comments

Filed under Consistency, Family Traditions, Life at the Lambdins, Life Lessons, Lifes Challenges, My "take", Parenting

August 22, 2009 · 12:33 pm

Cherish the time

I received much feedback from my previous post – Living life at both ends of the spectrum – it is always good to be reminded of the importance of our loved ones and in the midst of our busyness in life hopefully those reminders cause us to stop, reevaluate and take the time to love, cherish and enjoy the most important people in our lives.

I received one email that really touched me and I just had to share with you all what Crystal from Maine had to say from her current life perspective:

“I am presently at the other end of this spectrum – caring for my dad at home at the end of his wonderful life, as a loving husband, & wonderful father. I wouldn’t trade this moment for anything, no matter how hard it has been. One last smile…..one last “I Love you” or  “God Bless You”.

Hospice has been a blessing, but the faith in our Lord Jesus as he comforts us, in our sadness, and grief, is where its really at. It’s been 3 weeks since he came home from the hospital, and as a nurse, I know his time is coming near. I just felt the need to respond to your post I just got in my email and I as a fellow CM scrapbooker,I too want to share this picture, my sister took and I created.”

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So while we remember that life with our little ones is fleeting and will soon give way to them leaving home…let’s also be reminded of our older loved ones who will all too quickly pass from this life to the next and all we will have left is our memories of time spent with them. Take the time today to let them know you love them and cherish the time you have to spend together. (and take it from someone who lives 3000 miles away from her Mommy – if you live close…take advantage of that and make the most of every opportunity!)

UPDATE: Please read the comments below for a message from Crystal about her Dad going home to be with the Lord yesterday.

7 Comments

Filed under Blessings, Life Lessons

August 18, 2009 · 12:34 pm

Living life at both ends of the spectrum

As I type this I am watching a pretty wild and rambunctious pillow fight taking place on my bed.  The toddler and the six year old are going at it with gusto, as I protect the baby girl from their flailing arms. The computer is bouncing up and down, I just got a foot in my face and I am about to ban them from my bedroom…

….but I stop myself because this morning I have a fresh awareness that these moments are fleeting and will all too soon give way to the solitude that comes with grown up children and an “empty nest”.  I decide to stop wishing for some peace and quiet and just take it all in.  Perhaps I have an advantage that other moms with hyped up, super energetic young ones don’t have – after all how many mothers of wee ones just drove their eldest child to the airport to wave goodbye as she went off to her second year of college?  How many have a baby wrapping her fingers tightly around their thumb while not wanting to let go of the hand of  their  adult child? How many mommy’s are living both ends of the spectrum at once? Yes, that is one of the advantages of having children over a span of two decades…perspective.

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I know many of my friends are at the tail end of their parenting years. They have two or perhaps three children all close in age who one by one are headed out the door leaving an emptiness, strange quietness and hole in their hearts along with the question…”Where did the time go?”  They long to go back in time to the days when their children were young and all under their roof.

I also have several friends with many little ones clinging to their knees who would love a moment of peace and quiet or would pay big money just to have time alone.  They think that this season will never end where they often cannnot even get in a shower, rarely hold an adult conversation and are always exhausted from the never ending job of being a Mom.

What I want to say to those about to have a completely empty nest – embrace this new season of life.  Be the best parent to your adult children that you can be.  Spend time praying for them.  Finish that scrapbook you started when they were babies (or that you thought about starting).  Be encouraging & uplifting – supporting their decisions and giving wisdom and advice when you are asked (they likely won’t listen to you anyway if you give it before they ask). Use your new free time to make a positive difference in the world and impact those around you.  Remember all those things you wished you could do when the kids were little?  Do them! (hmmm or here is an option – you could always adopt a child and begin again!)

And to those stressed out, overworked, about to go crazy mommy’s of little ones, I want to say –  Don’t wish it away.  Enjoy this season.  Relax. Let things go and don’t be so uptight.  So what if your house is a mess, you have days where you never get dressed, your to do list never gets completely done, your children are not perfectly “coiffed” or you just can’t seem to keep it all together.  It is ok. Make memories with your children. Love them and enjoy them at every stage –

  • Snuggle that newborn in your neck, rock them to sleep, smell their amazing aroma, stare in wonder at their fingers & toes
  • Watch your infant sleep peacefully – breathe in & out in their rythm, tickle their tummies and take in that unbridled laughter, spend hours looking into their pure eyes and trying to make them smile
  • Play with your toddler, get on the floor and crawl around in the dirt with them, explore with them all the things that catch their attention
  • Laugh at the temper tantrums, sing “Fits are the pits”, “I’m allergic to griping” or some other song when inappropriate behavior pops up (discipline can be fun too…for you anyway – I could actually put on make up or eat a cookie with my coffee during time outs!)
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  • Read with your children – even if it is the same book over & over. Teach them to read. Tell them stories. Lay in bed with them & let them come in bed with you
  • Let them have pillow fights, horse play and jump on the bed . Squirt whip cream right into their mouths, be spontaneous and fun – it is ok….no it is great to let them run in the rain, get muddy,  jump in puddles, climb trees, go swimming in the winter, skip school for a day, eat pie for breakfast. (my list goes on & on – as long as it is legal & moral)
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  • Blow bubbles with them, swing together, have tea parties, play games, turn up the music loud & sing together, dance with them , laugh with them and cry with them.
  • Go to their games, school events, productions, activities and concerts.  Cheer wildly. Take pictures.
  • Let your teenagers sleep in, be respectfully opinionated and even occasionally roll their eyes (in fact have an eye rolling competition! I win every time!) Walk away and do not engage when they are “having one of those days”.
  • Open your home and heart to their friends, take an interest in their passions and pursuits.
  • Kiss them good morning, good bye & goodnight. Be generous with your affection and tell them you love them at every opportunity
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Whatever season of parenting you are in – make the most of every moment, celebrate everything and enjoy the precious gifts of life you have been blessed with – your children.

7 Comments

Filed under Attitude, Blessings, Life Lessons, Parenting

August 13, 2009 · 12:11 pm

Dedications, Commitments & Forever Church Families

This past Sunday was a very special day.

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 We dedicated our dear Christiana to the Lord during the Sunday morning service at our church. As our entire family stood along with our pastor and his wife before our church family and dedicated this newest blessing back to the God who gave her to us I was overcome with emotion on many levels.

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 I was filled with joy that God has chosen to bless us with this precious life.

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I was filled with love for Christiana, my amazing husband, my beautiful children, my extended family, my pastors and my church family.

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 I was filled with peace knowing that this child belongs to the Lord and that He is in control of her life.

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 I was filled with hope, awe & wonder at the knowledge that God has a very special and unique plan for her life and that she will certainly be called by God to do great & mighty things for His kingdom.

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 As I stood there and looked out on the congregation, it hit me that 20 years ago in 1989 we had brought our first born daughter, Michelle to that very same altar, at that very same church and dedicated her to the Lord. Over the past two decades, everyone of our eight children has been dedicated to the Lord at this same altar.

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 It also hit me that this is a rarity in our modern day mobile society where for one reason or another folks seem to switch churches every few years.

 I officially joined this church 26 years ago as a single young college student who after spending the summer as their youth intern decided that I wanted to become a part of this church family. My now husband, Dan became an official member after he decided to commit to being a part of the volunteer youth staff almost 25 years ago.

 One of the benefits of staying put over all these years is that many of our important spiritual milestones have taken place within those church walls and with our church family.

  •  Dan proposed to me at the altar at the conclusion of our youth service on March 18, 1986 (and I said yes!)
  • We were given counseling and married by the staff of this church and held our wedding reception in that very same sanctuary.
  • We served on staff as youth pastors of our church for four years.
  • Besides all of our children being dedicated to the Lord at that altar – one was saved during a children’s puppet crusade there (all the others prayed to receive Christ at home other than one who happened to be at a local gas station), three have been baptized in water at the church, four have been crowned an honor star through the outstanding girls ministry of Missionettes and two have held their Rite of Passage ceremony in the chapel.
  • We have sat in the same section in the front left hand side faithfully every Sunday and worshipped together, prayed together, given offerings together, been convicted, inspired, amused and yes even sometimes put to sleep, by the messages, gone to the altar for prayer and ministered to others all in that sanctuary.
  • We have taught Sunday School, worked in the nursery, volunteered in children’s ministry, attended special events, rejoiced along with dozens of young couples as they were wed, watched multitudes of baby dedications, baptisms and celebrated the lives of precious saints who went home to be with the Lord…all in that very same building.

 Now perhaps you might be thinking, that we found the perfect church since we have stayed and remained faithful all these years.   The messages must always be compelling, funny and interesting. The programs must be comprehensive and state of the art with something for everyone from infants to senior citizens. The music must be perfect and pleasing to everyone. The pastor and staff must be kind, compassionate, forgiving, wise, moral, charismatic, friendly, organized, effective communicators, dynamic leaders, ready to drop everything when you need them and willing to go the extra mile. The people there must be wonderful, supporting, encouraging, loving, serving one another – never gossiping, backbiting, complaining, grumbling  or…..

 …..oh wait – are you laughing yet?

 No, my home church is just like every church I know – full of imperfections, flaws, problems and frustrations.

 We have had some very amazing and awesome times at our church and we have had some very troubling and terrible times as well.  There has even been the “in between” rather dull and boring years with not much happening at all. We have seen hundreds if not thousands of lives dramatically impacted and we have seen people hurt and become bitter and angry.  We have gone through three pastors, five children’s pastors, six worship leaders and seven youth pastors. We have experienced an abundance of resources as well as times where we did not know if we would be able to turn on the lights the next Sunday.  We have had seasons of favor in the community and years marked with scandal.  We have seen people come and people go (and even come back again several times)  We have seen them trickle out because they were unhappy with this or that or because they were searching for better preaching or programs and we have seen them leave in droves because of some controversy, offense, disagreement or because of the latest and greatest new church starting up across town.

 And yet through it all….we have stayed.

 Why??? I am glad you asked.

We have stayed because we see commitment to our local church family the same way we see our commitment to our marriage and family.  We have made the commitment for the “long haul” – in good times and bad, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health and hopefully until death do us part.

Now of course their could be legitimate reasons to leave a church – like moving miles away, being called to minister to another congregation, if the church was to start heretical preaching (I’ll call this church adultery since they are forsaking the true Jesus – I might not leave for this but rather stay and fight but I do understand those that do leave for heresy)  or if their is abuse going on from leadership (one of the reasons I have chosen to stay in a church denomination that has a governing body over the local church that can intervene when leadership goes awry – non denominational churches lack such accountability) – but unfortunately the vast majority of people who leave a church do so, not for the reasons stated above, but because they:

  • are unhappy, frustrated or bored with the services, teaching or music
  • are not “getting fed” (ie – want the preaching to be dynamic, motivating and challenging)
  • want a better nursery, children’s or youth services, Sunday school or other program they deem vital
  • are angry at some church decision, the leadership or policies
  • things are not new & exciting enough
  • someone has ticked them off, offended, hurt or sinned against them

Now, I don’t know about you but I would not leave my marriage or trade in my family for any of those reasons.  Yes, there are times I am unhappy, bored, angry, hurt, frustrated and not very content with both my marriage and my family. Yes, there are times I want change or feel the need to have something new & exciting but that does not cause me to run off with a new guy or leave my children. And of course on occasion I long for a bigger house equipped with the all the” bells & whistles” and yet that is not what makes a house a home it is my family and our years of memories together that are the most important.

Since the Bible compares Christ and His commitment and love for His church to marriage and how it should operate – I think that we should all more seriously consider our commitment to the church as well.

Maybe it is time to stop church hopping. Maybe it’s time to make a commitment to a body of believers and stick with it.  Maybe it’s time to:

  • pray during service if your unhappy or frustrated (or look for someone to minister to)
  • feed yourself! (one of my biggest pet peeves is when adult Christians say “ I am not getting fed”. Really? Grow up & feed yourself)
  • volunteer to make your church programs better or realize that perfect programs are really not that vital compared to what you are teaching your children about commitment & faithfulness by sticking it out through the good, bad & the ugly
  • graciously and humbly communicate with your church leadership when you are concerned or have problems and at the same time let them know that you will not leave if things don’t change or go your way
  • trust God that He is using the leadership of your church in your life for good even if they make wrong decisions or policies
  • forgive those church members who sin against you (definition of forgiveness here – throw it in the sea of forgetfulness and remember it no more – you know – like what Jesus has promised to do for you…whew!)
  • remember that “new & exciting” is fun while it lasts….but it always, always, always ends up being old & routine. (so start seeing that as solid, secure, consistent and faithful)
  • “get over it” and realize that there is no perfect church – expect that you will at times be unhappy, frustrated, hurt and offended and enjoy the other times when you are thrilled, excited, amazed, touched, loved and blessed. Just like it is at home. 🙂

I believe that we have been blessed beyond measure by making such a unshakable commitment to our local church.  I also believe that the Lord is pleased that we have chosen faithfulness, commitment, forgiveness, long suffering and love over taking the easy way and “jumping ship” when we were unhappy, offended or discontent.

My one regret is that there are only a handful of others in our church who also chose to have that same type of commitment.  Oh how I would have loved to look out at that congregation on Sunday and seen the hundreds of church family members who were there when I became a member in September of 1983, who celebrated with us as we were married in 1986, who were there to commit to helping us raise our children up in the Lord as we brought each one of them to the altar and who played with them in the nursery, taught their Sunday School classes and led their Missionette clubs . Instead most of those folks are scattered throughout churches in our county, yes serving the Lord and yes still part of the greater body of Christ and while we have done our best to stay connected it is just not the same. We have all missed out on the joy, love and blessings of being an intimate “forever church family” while here on earth.

I hope and pray that my children as they grow up and settle down wherever the Lord leads them that they will find a church family that they will commit to and that they will be blessed to have members with that same commitment.  Does that exist anymore? I believe it can if we each just start today with our own decision to commit to our church family…..forever.

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Filed under Adoption, Attitude, Blessings, Consistency, Life at the Lambdins, Life Lessons, Lifes Challenges, My "take"

April 15, 2009 · 8:08 pm

So what if you don’t have the time….just do it!

To say that I don’t have time right now is like saying that Bill Gates just has a little extra “walking around money”. Yes that would be an understatement.

Besides the regular routine of  mothering, homeschooling, household management, my home based business and my “part time” job (yada yada)… I am working ’round the clock on the annual Jim Elliot Christian High School Dinner Auction which is just over a week away (and I still need to sell 150 tickets..yikes, gather up last minute auction donations and work daily with my team of volunteers).  Add to that my homeschoolers have state testing this week, not having gone to bed before 2am in days and having kids going “down for the count” daily with the stomach flu…and yes extra time is just about non existent in my life right now.

Yet today despite all of this…I managed to throw on some red, white & blue, grab some flags out of the closet and drive downtown to City Hall for a 45 minute rally at our Stockton City Tea Party.

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Why did I stop in the midst of the craziness of my current life to attend a rally where no one was expecting me or perhaps it didn’t even matter if I was there?  Why did I overcome my own personal objections of weariness, busyness and other obligations?  WHY?  WHY? WHY?

  • Because I believe in the message!
  • Because I am role modeling for and training my children.  They are watching and listening to not just what I say….but what I do.
  • Because in the future when I am asked – “Why did you not try to do something to stop this mess?”  I will be able to with a clear conscience say – I did do something!

There is so much more that I could say about how sometimes we just need to throw out our excuses as to why we can’t do something….and just do it! (but I will just let me actions speak for me this time)

Life went on today….even though I spent 45 minutes at a rally letting my voice be heard and then another 45 minutes sharing that with you in this blog! And no one may ever remember that I let my voice be heard today, but I will lay my head on the pillow tonight with perfect peace that I have stood for what I believe in, have role modeled that to my children and have began the fight for our future generation who will have to bear the brunt of our current actions. 

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Is there something in your life that you say you believe in and that you just are not making the time to do? Or perhaps you really do not have the time? So what….just do it! (This is what I said to myself this morning as I contemplated “skipping out” on this event and listed all the reasons I just didn’t have the time)

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Filed under Determination, Economics, Life at the Lambdins, Life Lessons, Lifes Challenges, My "take", Priorities, Time Management

February 8, 2009 · 1:19 am

Deep breathing

I finally figured it out!

Yes, after twenty years of motherhood it has finally hit me what the real purpose of the Lamaze classes were, that I took prior to the birth of my first child.  Just in case you have not yet experienced labor & delivery and you think that the purpose of these classes is to help you get through the pain of childbirth by implementing breathing & relaxation techniques, let me set the record straight.

Now, I am sure that there are a precious few who would “swear” by the effectiveness of  these breathing methods – but I am not one of them.  Just a few hours into labor after almost hyperventilating and after being given pitocin which effectively slams you into intense labor instantly, I screamed nastily at my sweet husband — “YOU BREATHE!” , as he was trying to coach me in these techniques. (a few minutes later I spit water in his face – nice, huh?)  I have never taken those classes again but have used various ways to get through my six following labors, including but not limited to – squeezing the living daylights out of my husbands hand, digging my fingernails into his arm, grabbing the nurses by the shirt (truly embarrassing), moaning, groaning, griting my teeeth, writhing and of course my personal favorite – EPIDURALS!

But just this past week it became perfectly clear to me why up & coming Mommies need to learn breathing techniques and it has nothing to do with the birthing process.

It is much more useful for the parenting process that will follow.

This last week I had an opportunity to put those breathing techniques into practice when, in the blink of an eye, our peaceful morning turned into a disaster.  After cooking the kids a delicious breakfast of french toast for a Friday morning treat – we were happily going about our morning routine of chores and school work when…..CRASH!  I looked up and saw that my beautiful 21 month old baby boy had pulled our 19 inch  TV & stand down onto his head. I jumped up from my seat just five feet from where he was lying and immediately began to panic as he started screaming with blood pouring out of his mouth.  My pulse shot through the roof (as I am sure my blood pressure did too), my mind began to race and I tried to make a quick decision as to the best course of action.  Do I call 911? Do I rush him to the ER? What do I do with the little ones here at home?  Do I take them with me? Should I call a friend or rush over to the neighbors and ask them to drive me to the hospital or watch the kids? As my robe became soaked with blood and the sobs of baby boy increased I began to panic and then…..breathe.  My clear minded 13 year old daughter called her Dad and in an instant he was headed home to take us to the hospital.  And during that eternal 15 minute wait….I breathed…. and breathed…. and breathed along with calling on the name of Jesus for help.

After it was all over (and we are praising the Lord that the worst of his injuries were five stitches, several bruises and a lost front tooth – no head injuries, concussion, facial fractures or permanent damage), my ten year old was recounting the story of the morning and sharing how Mommy was breathing really heavy during it all.  That is when it hit me – Lamaze!  That is really what those classes are for – all the crisis times you are sure to have for years after giving birth to a child!

And it is probably a good thing they don’t tell you at that time in life when you are anticipating the birth of your first child,  that you will truly need to learn to “breathe”  as a parent, because you just might have to –

  • wave goodbye as they wheel your child down the hall behind closed doors into surgery
  • listen to a life threatening or terminal diagnosis for your precious child
  • watch your child writhing in pain after an injury or accident
  • get a phone call from the hospital informing you that you need to come down right away
  • see your star athlete go down for the count and not get up
  • hold them in your arms as they cry after a heartbreaking disappointment or defeat
  • feel like you are going to go mad with all the bickering, stubbornness or bad behavior you deal with daily
  • sit by the clock that is slowly clicking, hours past their curfew and wondering if they are dead or alive
  • watch as rebellion, disobedience  or bad judgement bring them tragic  or life altering results
  • kiss them goodbye as they leave to fight for their country
  • endure being separated from them by distance, disappointment or disagreement
  • or God forbid if you lose them to death at any age (we as parents are suppose to go first!)

In fact, I never remember anyone sharing with me that children would bring into my life such intense heartache and pain.   Would I do it all again if I knew the pain and suffering I would have to endure?  Would I do it again even if it turned ugly or tragic?  Would I do it all again even if I lose my child to death?  

  • Absolutely!
  • Definitely!
  • Without a doubt! 
  • In a heartbeat!
  • No questions asked! 
  • Yes!  Yes! Yes!

Why? Because the love, joy and utter fulfillment my children have brought to my life is worth every bit of pain, heartache, dissapointment or suffering I have ,or will in the future , have to endure.  They are worth it all!

I will just have to remember my Lamaze training and my faith….breathe deeply and call on the name of Jesus! (and perhaps get a relaxing massage – I sure could use one after Friday – Whew!)

9 Comments

Filed under Endurance, Life at the Lambdins, Life Lessons, Lifes Challenges, Motherhood, Parenting

February 2, 2009 · 6:39 pm

No regrets….really??

Lately I have been coming in contact with more and more people who seem to have a common philosophy on life – the general theme is that they have “no regrets”  in life about anything.  It often seems to come across with a bit of pomp and arrogance that says even though they have not lived a “perfect”  life  or that they have made some mistakes, none of it matters as long as they see it as an “experience”. They also follow it up with abundant clarity that no one better even suggest that they think any differently.

Another common characteristic I have found in many with this philosophy, is that they are typically in the younger “under 30”  (which is quickly becoming the new “under 40”) crowd. Perhaps they just have not yet had enough life experience to realize that it is ok and actually even helpful  to regret something you did or didn’t do in life, even if it, in the end, worked out or caused you to grow or gave you an unexpected blessing. Or perhaps it has nothing to do with age, wisdom or experience.

Many of these “no regreters” rely on and relish in quotes like these from authors and celebrities who have made more than there fair share of detrimental mistakes.

“Never regret. If it’s good, it’s wonderful. If it’s bad, it’s experience.”
 
“I have no regrets in my life. I think that everything happens to you for a reason. The hard times that you go through build character, making you a much stronger person.”
 
“I never regret anything. Because every little detail of your life is what made you into who you are in the end.” 
 
Now don’t get me wrong, I can appreciate seeing life’s struggles, problems and even mistakes as working out for good and even helping you to grow, mature and become a better person. I can also understand not wallowing in your past mistakes. I can even embrace a “no regrets” philosophy if it has its roots in taking worthwhile risks and living life outside of the norm or when looking to the future and saying – “I want to live a life of no regret”.

But really…no regrets about the past?? ever?? 

 I certainly have regrets – some of which I will share here –

  • I regret the relationship I had with a boy for three years during high school… for a myriad of reasons.
  • I regret that I didn’t apply myself to learning more while I was in college.  I wasted my time and my parents money by not being more diligent
  • I regret that I did not live more frugally and be wiser with my money.
  • I regret that I went back to work after the birth of my first child. I cannot get that time back no matter what.
  • I deeply regret that I did not do something more pro active to help a dear former student who ended up taking her life. 
  • I regret allowing myself to gain weight after each child was born. Losing 1o lbs would have been much easier than losing 50lbs.
  • I regret losing control and screaming at my kids.
  • I regret things that I have said flippantly that have hurt others.
  • I regret the times I have not walked in integrity – by embellishing reality or omitting details or using words to mask the complete truth

Those are just a few of regrets I have in my life and even though yes, each of them has helped mold and make me into the person I am today – it is actually because I have regretted them that they have impacted me, impacted those around me and made a positive difference in who I am today.  If I had not regretted them – then why would I need to change or grow?  Why not just keep on making the same mistakes or even greater ones and chalking it up to – simple life experience – because good or bad it will be part of who I become?

The regret over things done or not done, mistakes made, sins committed should be what changes us and makes us into a better person!  

Besides that, there simply are things in life everyone should regret  –

  • like hurting other people through your words or actions,
  • like stealing, cheating or lieing,
  • like being responsible for the injury or death of another life,
  • like neglecting, abusing or abandoning your children,
  • like being unfaithful to your marriage vows,
  • or how about not making time for your loved ones  (unfortunatly this regret often comes after they are taken from you)

– to name just a few things that one should have regret about.

Isn’t having a life philosophy of  “no regrets”  really just a mask for saying that there is nothing you do that is right or wrong? No absolute truth? You have no personal responsibility for your actions? It is all just about how you decide to see life? You can do anything and the consequences will all work out in the end?

I think a better life philosophy would be – redeeming my regrets!

That we should all take a long hard look at our regrets in life and look for ways to redeem those things.  Perhaps we should redeem our regrets by  –

  • helping others avoid doing the same thing by being transparent and honest about the true damage we have caused through or action or inaction. 
  • or we could go back and fix things through apologies, restitution’s and repairs (although unfortunately some things just can’t be fixed).  
  • why not use the pain of past regrets to catapult us into a present course of action that we will be pleased and proud of and that will give us a future of satisfaction and fulfillment of a life well lived.

Redeeming your regrets….now there is a life philosophy I can get behind!

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Filed under Attitude, Life Lessons, My "take"

January 26, 2009 · 4:50 pm

Inaugurations Happen….Every Four Years

Four years…will fly by!

How do I know?  Well after dragging my kids out of bed last Tuesday to watch the historic inauguration of our first black president (which we would have watched the inauguration events no matter who was being sworn in – to me it is patriotic!), I began to reminisce on past inaugurations.

  • Just four years ago in 2005 three of my girls – Michelle, Amy & Rebekah attended the inauguration of George W Bush for his second term
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  • Four years previous to that in 2001, Michelle, after working for months volunteering her time for the Republican Central Committee (as an 11 year old….mind you!) raised the funds and secured a ticket from our congressman to attend Bush’s first inauguration! 
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  • of course I can remember the 1997 inauguration of Bill Clinton because my four girls ages 7, 4, 3 and 18 months and I made & ate an entire batch of chocolate chip cookie dough to drown our sorrows. (ok, so the girls were happy even before the cookie dough except for perhaps Michelle who even at seven was already political)
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  • During the 1993 inauguration I only had two little girls…just a “starter kit” family 🙂
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  • If you go back to the 1989 innaguaration of George H Bush I was pregnant with Michelle just beginning my nine months of non stop “morning sickness”.
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  • And in 1985 I was single (not even considering matrimony or motherhood!) & a youth pastor for over 100 teens
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  • 1981, after voting for the first time the previous November for Ronald Reagan, I was an 18 year old freshman at the University of the Pacific
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That is only eight inaugurations since my being old enough to vote.  Then I began to do the math….our children will be at home with us for,  a mere four or at the most five inaugurations.  FOUR!!!???  Does that not seem like an incredibly small amount of time when you put it in perspective?  I know that when “your guy”  is not in office four years may seem like an eternity.  But it really does just fly by like all of life once you enter the “adult world”. (When I was a child everything seemed to take forever to get here…is that still the case today?) 

So wether you are lamenting or rejoicing in the next four years under our current administration

  • Take a moment to realize and let it sink in how very short four years is and how incredibly fast it will go by
  • Take a moment to count how many innaguarations your kids have left under your roof (Michelle is already up & out, this was the last innaguration for Amy & Kristen to be at home….<big sigh & gulp>, Rebekah has one left, Grace has two, Joy has three and Daniel has four)
  • Take a moment to decide what are you going to do with that time you have left, Lord willing, with your children?

Be purposeful in your parenting.  Have a plan and inact that plan! You have four short “terms of office” as their parents to

  • mold and shape them into people of character & conscience
  • teach and train them in the principles of the Word of God
  • disciple and mentor them to fear the Lord and glorify Him in all that they do
  • influence them to be life giving and show love to the “least of these” – the orphans, widows, elderly, disabled, depressed, outcasts, enslaved and the unborn
  • inspire them to live a life of service that will make a difference and have a lasting impact

Take an oath today that you will be purposeful in your parenting during the term of office you have left.  Don’t let these years just pass you by – all too soon your term will be up and your legacy will be carried on….for better or for worse by your children. What will history write about your parenting?

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Filed under Inspiration, Life Lessons, Making a Difference, My "take", Parenting, Service, Time Management

January 16, 2009 · 11:11 pm

The day after

It’s the day after.

Today could have been so very different for us all.  Instead of waking up this morning with the good news warming our hearts of the “Miracle on the Hudson” – the incredible crash landing of a US Air commercial plane into the Hudson River in New York – in which everyone survived, we could have been watching horrific videos and looking at photos of a fatal air crash.  We could, today have been grieving along with the thousands of friends and family members who had lost loved ones instead of rejoicing as we watched the joyous reunions and grateful passengers who were saved from an untimely death.  Instead of having a new national hero in “Sully” the US Air pilot as well as the New York  Ferry workers and first responders to admire, appreciate and be in awe & amazement of , we could have had to listen to commentators and experts talk about what went wrong and how the pilot could have possibly avoided a disaster.

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Yes truly….today could have been a much different day. 

As I enjoyed the heartwarming stories, positive reports, words of gratitude to God and heartfelt appreciation that overflowed on the Internet and in the news media today, my thoughts turned towards those 155 people who for a moment yesterday thought that this just might be their last day on this earth.  I wondered if today they had a new outlook on life?  If they felt like they had been given extra time here for a reason? If their lives from this moment on would change?  If they would begin to seize the day?

Yes, I am sure that they will hug their loved ones a little tighter and hold them a bit closer in the upcoming weeks. But will their daily lives change?  Will they begin to actually do those things that they have always wanted to do or pursue their passions with new fervor?  Will they begin to look for their purpose in life – using their unique God given gifts to do great things? Will they begin to see their life from this point on as a gift from God, a bonus round or exciting tie breaking overtime?  Having come so obviously close to death and been spared will they have a new drive to fulfillthier greatest dreams?

Then I thought about my life? 

  • Am I living my life on purpose, using my God given gifts to do great things? Yes, I believe I am.  Are you living your life “on purpose” or just wandering through this life without direction? Are you using your unique gifts and talents to do great things?
  • As far as my seeing each day as a gift from God, bonus round or overtime?  No, I don’t think I really do.  And yet I should. I have actually been in a “crash landing” of a twin engine 3 passenger Cessna airplane in 1981 – so the past 27 years have been a “bonus” and yet I have not lived them all like that. (I’ll dig up a photo I have of me standing in front of that plane on that fateful day and post it here tomorrow)  Perhaps you’ve been spared from cancer, or survived a car accident or lived through a natural disaster and have been given a “bonus round” or second chance at life.  But even if we haven’t had a life or death experience we should never take for granted our life or assume we are “owed” 75 years here on this earth. Each day is a gift.
  • Am I working towards fulfilling my greatest dreams –  well, yes…but lately I have been “stalled”.  As a believer in setting goals & having dreams I have always written out my dreams and in recent years, since I began my Creative Memories career, I transferred that list into a dream album.  My thoughts today on this “Miracle on the Hudson” and the 155 people whose lives were spared caused me to get that dream album off the shelf and do some evaluating as to where I am at in pursuing and fulfilling those dreams.  While I can tell you I have accomplished quite a few, yet there are still dozens left to accomplish….and for some…time is running out. What about you?  Do you have your dreams and goals written down and are you working regularly to accomplish these things?

So with a renewed vision, fresh perspective and energized drive, I will be getting up in the morning and living my life with purpose while working to pursue my dreams and enjoy the day as my gift from God!

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Filed under Attitude, Goals & Dreams, Inspiration, Life Lessons

January 11, 2009 · 10:45 pm

My foggy day

Sometimes the weather just fits the day.

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Living in the valley, we get a few too many winter mornings like these where we are “socked in” with pea soup fog. On a rare day, I do enjoy the white blanket that covers the entire area but  the majority of the winter I look for ways to find the sun by heading to the foothills or the beach.

Today however the fog fit the occasion as it hung over the valley on our way to the airport to take Michelle back to college for her second semester. A fog was hanging over my heart as I realized that our three weeks together as a family were coming to an end.  Mist welled up in our eyes as we said our goodbyes.

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As I looked out the window at the encroaching fog I thought that with all the things I dislike about our winter fog, it does have some lessons that I could apply to my life.  dscn6479 

  • Fog forces you to concentrate on what is directly in front of you…since you can’t see much else. Sometimes I get so distracted by the future that it hinders me from doing what I need to do today.
  • Fog slows you down.  Not only does the fog seriously slow down the driving speed of even the most risky drivers it seems to slow down all activity.  I for one need to on occasion seriously slow down.
  • Fog creates a quiet over everything.  We all live with constant noise – how can we ever hear that still small voice of the Lord trying to whisper in our hearts.  I could use more quiet times in my life.
  • Fog brings a cold dampness and mist that turns our brown and yellow land bright green for a short season.  A reminder that the tears of sadness often provide fertile soil in our hearts for beautiful green growth.

I will embrace the fog of life and see it has an opportunity to slow down, concentrate on today, seek quiet moments as well as allowing the melancholy moments of life to bring growth.

Yes, today the fog fit the occasion and it as it burned off later it was a welcome reminder that behind the melancholy fog is the joy and bright outlook of sunshine. In fact the sunshine seems even brighter after the fog.

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Filed under Attitude, Blessings, Life Lessons