Several months ago I wrote a post about my hearts desire – to minister to others through speaking and writing. At the time I was trying to get a scholarship to attend “She Speaks”, a special conference designed specifically for Christian speakers and writers. In order to be considered for that scholarship you had to write a blog post, so in the midst of a crazy time of life, I stopped and wrote this post – No Time Like the Present. And no, I did not get one of the scholarships but through a strange turn of events and the generosity of a few friends I found myself on an airplane this week flying across the country to attend this conference.
As I arrived this morning I was in a very abnormal melancholy mood. I felt like I was surrounded by a cloud as I picked up my registration packet, mingled with other conference attenders and got ready to attend the first of many sessions and workshops. It was especially odd to me as I had been beyond thrilled to have this opportunity to attend this conference and glean everything possible from the wealth of knowledge and experience that would surround me. I shrugged it off as missing my husband and kids or having to get up early (I am simply not a morning person).
A bit later in the morning I began to have some impressions and voices in my head saying over and over again:
- “What are you doing here?”
- “You have nothing of any importance to say?”
- “No one will ever ask you to come speak or be interested in reading a book you write”
- “Who are you to think you should speak or write” (and an additional dig…”you can’t even write consistently on your blog”)
Strange voices indeed for Beth Lambdin. You see I am not use to hearing voices like that. I have a pretty good recording in my head, thanks to my parents that continually spoke words like this as I was growing up:
- “You are beautiful, talented, smart & creative”
- “You can do anything you set your heart & mind to do”
- “You were created by God to do great things”
And since I believe the Bible to be the absolute truth & have committed many scriptures to memory I also hear these words in my head often:
- You are the apple of God’s eye, the salt of the earth & the light of the world
- You are fearfully & wonderfully made, a new creation in Christ
- You are chosen of God, holy & dearly loved
- You can do all things through Jesus Christ who gives you strength
- You are called by God & anointed to preach
And despite this great foundation, for a moment I was seriously meditating on those defeating and discouraging thoughts. However, as the foreign voices & words came faster and faster I almost laughed out loud in the middle of the session. Wow! It hit me like a brick! What a SURE sign this was that the enemy of my soul was not happy that I was at this conference. I immediately silenced his condemnation with a prayer in Jesus name and sat up straight and began to write with gusto all that was being spoken about from the podium. I got extremely excited to think about what God had for me this weekend that caused Satan to bother to try to throw such trash into my head. The cloud lifted and the mood dissolved instantly.
I was able to be alert and ready to receive ideas and inspiration throughout the entire day and I felt reenergized and infused with faith, hope and vision for my life. (and there are still two days left!) Later that evening the speaker reminded us all that according to Ephesians Chapter 6 we are in a spiritual battle and that Satan has no business in this place, another confirmation that my experience earlier in the day was an attack.
The last speaker of the evening besides being incredibly inspirational ended his message with a short prayer that caused me to smile from ear to ear. He had us repeat it out loud after him and it went something like this…”Beloved Lord, Let me always speak the truth about what I am….I am wonderful! Amen” Yet another layer of God’s truth speaking to my heart!
As I got into my rental car tonight to head back to my accommodations, God decided to give me one more reminder of the truth of who I am and what I can do for Him as this song began playing the moment I turned on the car:
Isn’t God just so good? Perhaps someone reading this post is also being plagued with discouraging, defeating or negative thoughts today. Maybe you too are needing a fresh reminder of who you really are. And I am confident that someone needs to be reminded that they are in a spiritual battle! (No those voices of rejection, discouragement & defeat are not your own!) Stop listening to the enemy and the lies and speak the truth from God’s word about everything you are, all that you will become and the great things you will do! Fight the good fight of faith…you will win!
“For the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh, but mighty before God to the casting down of strongholds, casting down imaginations, and every high thing that is exalted against the knowledge of God, and bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ” 2 Corinthians 10:4-5
Off to bed excited and anticipating all that is in store for me tomorrow on day two of the “She Speaks” conference. More later…..
8 responses to “The Voices Inside My Head”
Thank you Beth….I did need to hear that especially today!!!
Oh, how familiar I am with the lying voices. We share a similar goal and I’ve actually heard the exact same words as you have. I can’t wait to hear about your conference. Sounds like something I might be interested in attending. Have an amazing time!
Beth, I’ve been hearing discouraging little voices in my head for the past couple of weeks. I’ve been feeling overwhelmed lately. Who am I to pursue a law degree at age 38? I have no business using my evenings to study when I have three kids at home who need my attention. What kind of money will I earn after four years of study being in child advocacy? Probably not enough to support my family. If I wanted to make a different in some child’s life, I should have thought about that earlier. Yadda yadda yadda. I almost felt compelled to give up. Now, I understand “who” wants me to give up…….and I refuse! Thanks for you post Beth. I love you.
Loved reading this. I read it from my phone so I couldn’t see what song you were referring to….but I was rather certain it was Casting Crown’s Voice of Truth! This and Praise Him in This Storm have been powerful songs of “truth” for me.
So excited for you and where God is leading you. Maybe even MORE excited to know (but not surprised by) your fierce committment to seek to be ALL that God wants for us — cuz He LOVES us SO MUCH and wants His best for us and thus for us to live as He designed, to GLORIFY Him! 🙂
Miss and love you!
What a wonderful learning experience for you! I’m happy you had the opportunity to attend the conference. Yes, you do have the gifts of speaking and writing.
I am overjoyed for you :). I just had to share that last night at our Retreat Center, someone kindly gave me a handful of Proverbs 31 Women magazines…and I read a bio of one of the authors that mentioned she’s often a speaker at the conference you are attending. I thought to myself, “I need to share this conference opportunity with Beth Lambdin….SHE needs to be at one of these!!!”, so with tears in my eyes this morning, I see that are already THERE….just where GOD WANTS YOU! Thanks for helping us believe in our dreams~~~there are many I’d love to purse~~~and you are giving us that hope!
Blessings to you….
i miss you sooooo much im glad your having fun!!!
Gracie-goo…I miss you too! hug hug kiss kiss!