Category Archives: Tea Time Tuesday

It was rainy & cold this afternoon as we prepared for our weekly Tea Time Tuesday – so we decided to do it around the fireplace in the living room. It was cozy and warm and very relaxing as we sipped our tea and ate fresh baked peanut butter cookies and chocolate truffles (well at least that is what the girls ate – I had Ezekiel bread drizzled with flax oil and sprinkled with cinnamon – resolved to stick with my diet plan).

Rachael Ruiz – a regular tea time friend!

 We continued to read through our book – When God Writes Your Love Story.  It was a great chapter today on being faithful.  The girls seemed to really get into this chapter as the author explored the concept of being faithful to your spouse even before you know who that spouse will be. Yes, somewhere out there is the man whom they will someday commit to love for a lifetime – why not commit to loving them even now?  Why not be faithful to wait patiently for that person that the Lord has for you instead of giving your heart, soul and body away to others along the way?  I believe that if we raise our children with these hopes, dreams and standards that they will forgo the heartache of broken relationships and the sadness of painful memories. This chapter was especially compelling.

Tuesday Tea Updates from Christmas Time

Yes – We did have Tea Time Tuesday during the holidays (except for Christmas Day & New Years Day)  The best part of these teas was having Michelle home to join with us.  The first Tuesday she was home we had our dear friend Nicole McBride & her daughter Alex over as our special guests.  Nicole shared her incredible story of how the Lord brought her & her husband, John together. It is always wonderful to hear others stories who have followed Gods plan and are enjoying the blessings of a solid marriage.

Another Tuesday before Michelle left,  I asked her to share her views on dating, courtship and marriage with her sisters.  What a joy as a mother to hear your adult child sharing your values and passing her the wisdom and influence on to her sisters.  Michelle is such a wonderful role model and example for the rest to follow.  She is greatly admired and respected by them as well. We look forward to her being back home the next two Tuesdays for tea! (She is coming back from Hawaii along with the family she is working for to celebrate the 10 year anniversary of JECHS at the Founders Gala!)

It’s been over a week since I have sat down to do any blogging….not for a lack of things to share….they are buzzing around in my head continually…so beware if I get “on a roll” soon you may be inundated with posts sharing all that has been happening lately!

But despite all the craziness surrounding me on all sides, we do stop on Tuesdays for tea time.  Today as I got ready to set the table with all the Christmas china for our first tea of the holiday season there was a knock on the door and the postman handed me a package. (don’t you just love brown paper packages?)  Joy and I quickly tore it open and there was the most beautiful tea pot I have ever seen, sent as a gift from my dear mother. (who has been the inspiration for our teas!)

Isn’t it simply stunning?  I love it!  What perfect timing too.

Today we read the next chapter in our book for our courtship classes.  It emphasized the difference between romantic feeling type of love and a deep committed unconditional love. A love that gives expecting nothing in return.  A sacrificial and unselfish type of love.  A love that survives the test of time, tragedy and trials.  A love that is steadfast and never ending.

I have living examples of this life long love and commitment. My own parents would have been married 48 years this month, if my Dad had not passed away 12 years ago and yesterday was my in-laws 52nd wedding anniversary.  A few years ago at their celebration of 50 years I was asked to sing a song for that event that is truly a beautiful testament to the commitment we are to make in marriage.  It is called I Will Be Here by Steven Curtis Chapman.  These are the powerful words that all our marriages should commit to –

Tomorrow morning when you wake up and the sun does not appear,

I will be here

If in the dark we lose sight of love, hold my hand and have no fear,

‘Cause I will be here

I will be here when you feel like being quiet; When you need to speak your mind, I will listen.

And I will be here when the laughter turns to crying; through the winning, losing and trying, we’ll be together,

‘Cause I will be here.

Tomorrow morning if you wake up and the future is unclear,

I will be here.

As sure as seasons are made for change, Our lifetimes are made for years,

So I will be here

I will be here, and you can cry on my shoulder; When the mirror tells us we’re older, I will hold you.

And I will be here to watch you grow in beauty, And tell you all the things you are to me;

I will be here

I will be true to the promise I have made, To you and to the One who gave you to me.

I will be here!

I have seen too many marriages fall apart in recent years.  Couples who I would have never thought would walk away from one another. Couples who appeared to love the Lord and love one another.  Yet somehow they have been able to turn their back on the commitment they made to loving one another through all of life’s trials and tragedies.

My prayer for those of you who are married and reading this today is that you would renew that life long commitment each and everyday of your lives to your Lord and to the one that He gave you to love. I pray for my children that they will find their perfect match and then commit to choose to love that person for life, no matter what comes their way.

Dan, my dearest husband….I once again commit to you to be here!

I am still sitting at this peaceful tea table surrounded by the low lights of the candles and listening to the soothing sounds of classical music.  What a refreshment.

Today at tea we continued to read “When God Writes Your Love Story”.  This chapter was about God’s love – his perfect, unconditional, unchanging love.  The type of love that we can only truly give to others when we have first experienced it ourselves from the Lord.  God loves us through everything, in everything, despite everything. God loves us….no matter what!

He loves us when we are “bratty”, selfish, unkind, flaky, mean spirited, impatient, arrogant, controlling, bossy…..and so on.

He loves us when we are overweight, unattractive, dirty, smelly, unkempt, messy, old, grey and wrinkled.

His love is truly amazing and perfect.  When two people come together who have truly experienced God’s love and as a result of that life changing moment commit to choosing to love each other with that same amazing love – you will have a marriage that is beyond anything you could have ever imagined.

Unfortunately most people’s love is limited and conditional.  We only choose to love if or when they do or do not do this or that. Or we base our love on a feeling or attraction. God gave us a check list that we can use to judge ourselves and see if we are truly loving others as God loved. (1 Corinthians 13)

[ ] Are you patient and long suffering with all their inadequacies?

[ ] Do you care for their needs, wants & desires BEFORE your own?

[ ] Are you kind, compasssionate & caring?

[ ] Do you forgive easily & not keep a record of wrongs?

[ ] Are you humble and willing to give up your way of doing things?

[ ] Do you act in a becoming way and treat them with respect and honor?

[ ] Do you always look for and hope for the best?

[ ] Are you committed to the end….never looking back?

 Dear darling Dan has read that scripture as he has presided over many a wedding.  As the couples stare starry eyed at each other they are usually not even thinking about what those words mean & how they will play out in the months and year ahead.  Often, when couples are headed for divorce court they don’t want to be reminded of the love they committed to choosing.  No, at that point you hear a lot of – buts & can’ts, rationalizations & excuses –  I tried…but, I wanted it to work…but, I can’t live with…, I can’t put up with…., I can’t stand…..  The laundry list of grievances is long & passionatly verbalized to all who will listen.  In fact the love chapter of the Bible is not only forgotten but seemingly completly erradicated from their lives.

So girls……how will you love?  Will you choose a “no matter what”, “in, through & despite everything” committed love? Will you wait to find the person who will love you with that same type of love in return? I hope and pray so!

Always remember though…we can only love, because He first loved us!  So look for the man who has experienced God’s love so intimately that he can love completely.

Ahhhhhhhh….to just STOP whatever I am currently doing and walk away from the never ending “to do list” that is truly one of the best things about our weekly Tea Time Tuesday. It is a time to just relax, to just enjoy life, to just “be” instead of “do”, to breathe in deeply, to sit down with loved ones face to face, and to fill my senses with the beauty of the fine china at a decorated tea table, with the sweet smells of scented candles, pastries and tea, and the soothing sounds of classical piano music and tinkling tea cups – it is the perfect antidote for the turbo speed pace of life I am currently living.

We continued on with our “courtship classes” and the reading of the Ludy’s book.  This chapter was emphasizing the concept that God truly does want to have control over every area of your life – that He has a beautiful story to write if you will just give Him the pen.  The author, Leslie Ludy shared her struggles, frustrations and heartaches during her “normal” teenage years before giving her love life over to the Lord.

What God impressed upon her sounded like this –

Don’t you believe that I know who you will marry, and that I am capable of leading you to that right man someday?

Can you also believe that I am the God of all creation? I know you better than you know yourself, and I am perfectly able to bring this man into your life in My own time, in my own way…and I don’t need your help.

My favorite section in todays reading was when she shared a quote from Elisabeth Elliot’s book A Chance to Die about the life of Amy Carmichael –

“The preoccupations of seventeen-year-old girls – their looks, their clothes, their social life – don’t change much from generation to generation. But in every generation there seem to be a few who make other choices. Amy Charmichael was one of the few.”

Isn’t that the truth?! I have had the eye opening experience of being on the popular social internet network called facebook the past several days in search of graduates of  JECHS  , as I am starting an alumni association for the school. It would seem that not only teenagers are preoccupied with looks, clothes and their social life, but twenty somethings as well.  In fact I am convinced after a couple of days in this world that if just a percentage of time spent on these social networks was used for service, outreach, ministry or missions – the young people of todays generation would change the world!

Ok…off my soap box.  But I do want to raise young ladies (and gentlemen) who are one of the “few” who make other choices –

• choices to let God be in complete control of every area of their lives
• choices to not live a common  life but to be uncommon (I need to post my daughters valedictorian speech on this subject) – true “counter culture” is living a life in complete abandon for the Lord!
• choices to give God the pen to their lives and let Him write their love story
• choices to live an uncompromising life according to Biblical standards
• choices to live to serve others an make a difference in the world!

I pray that I will be able to impact and influence these wonderful children God has given me to be one of the few instead of one of the many!

After a fairly crazy few days….the thought of sitting down and enjoying tea with my girls was very appealing today.  Since we had officially decorated for fall over the weekend, we anticipated an autumn atmosphere with all the beautiful fall colors adorning our table. 

We even were blessed to get wonderful mugs with fall leaves on them to add to the fall flavor. It was a perfect fall afternoon tea!  After savoring our tea and cookies and chatting about how much we loved this season, we settled back to resume courtship classes today.

I recently purchased several books for us to read and discuss over the next years – Passion & Purity by Elizabeth Elliot (a personal all time favorite of mine!), I Kissed Dating Goodbye by Josh Harris, When God Writes Your Love Story by Eric & Leslie Ludy and Your Half of the Apple by Gini Andrews.  I asked the girls which one they wanted to begin with and Rebekah (the strongly opinionated one) chose When God Writes Your Love Story.

We read the introduction today which was written by Leslie who shared her story of greatly desiring to be in a relationship and having one after another end in a broken heart. She finally desperately cried out to God who assured her that He wanted to be in control of this area of her life and that He had the greatest relationship & romance awaiting her if she would only give Him the pen in her life to write the story.

Our discussion afterwards consisted of talking about the purpose of teenage relationships. I asked the girls to tell me in their opinion what were the benefits of being in a boy/girl relationship as a teenager. We have discussed this topic often since they were young they immediately said…. “There are NO benefits!” (I have influenced their thinking!) So I asked them to share perhaps what others might say or what they have heard from their friends. Their list of the benefits included:

• To feel special and loved
• To have someone to hold your hand & walk you to class (belonging)
• To experience a relationship

That is all they could come up with.  We then discussed how these things could be experienced in their relationship with the Lord and that if we rely on any human to always meet our needs to be loved, feel special or belong that at some point we will be let down.  Even in a committed marriage relationship there are times that only the Lord can meet your deep longings.  We all must first seek to a loving relationship with our creator before we can truly love another.  We need to be content and confident in God’s love.

We moved from that topic to the discussion of what it actually means when someone says about a member of the opposite sex…”I like him or her”.  In our society it starts in the church nursery with Moms thinking its sooooo cute to say….”Look, Johnny likes Sally” Our toddlers are soon saying it for themselves, with no understanding of what they mean – “I like this boy or girl”, to the laughs and smiles of their Mommys.  It continues on through elementary school and is full blown by junior high & high school.  BUT I want to know what “liking” someone actually means?  When a young person says “I like him” – what are they really saying?  I asked my girls (by this time the current high schooler, Amy was home) what their friends meant when they said those words. (and believe me – they say them OFTEN!)

They shared what they thought most girls meant when they say “I like him”  (and they decided to do an informal survey this week and ask what others actually mean when they say this)  –

• He’s hot!
• I think he’s cute
• He makes my heart flutter
• He seems nice
• I want to “go” with him (although that is another unclear, undefined, what does that mean? statement.)

We all agreed that words are important, they mean something, and that we should attempt to be clear in our communication. (especially when poor communication or the lack thereof is detrimental in relationships) The word “like” is pretty generic and is used for everything from – I like coffee to I like my neighbor.  So before we get caught up in the teenage norm of saying “I like this boy or that boy”, we should be clear about what we are saying.  And on a side note – is physical appearance or chemistry a valid reason to pursue a relationship with someone or are there more important things for example –

• spiritual life 
• character
• personality
• virtue
• temperament

We decided to get out a thesaurus and look at synonyms for the word “like”.  Instead of using “like” when talking about our feelings for or thoughts about a person (as opposed to a “thing” – I like coffee, candles, cookies etc…), we agreed we should use more accurate and meaningful words. By doing that we would be more careful about defining our relationships.

 Here are our favorites –

• Admire
• Adore
• Cherish
• Care for
• Fancy
• Hold dear
• Greatly esteem (yeah Jane Austen!)

Wouldn’t it be lovely to hear young people using verbs that take thought, examination and real emotion to describe their feelings for someone rather than settling for the generic -“I like him” that is often based merely on physical attraction or casual observation? Or is that only for another time in history?

Great dialogue and discussion today at tea.  Until next week….

Today we had a wonderful surprise – guests for tea!  Our dear friends Amy & Kylie Williams stopped by this afternoon and we quickly added another table and invited them to enjoy tea with us.  We served peach & english breakfast tea with our Peppridge Farms fancy cookies as we enjoyed relaxing & fellowshipping with one another.

I shared with the girls about the “season of singleness” in my life when I decided to no longer date but to give myself exclusively to seeking & serving the Lord while waiting for Him to bring me the perfect match.  The Lord gave me this scripture during that time in my life – 

But I want you to be free from concern; One who is unmarried is concerned about the things of the Lord, how he may please the Lord, but one who is married is concerned about the things of the world, how he may please his wife and his interests are divided.

The woman who is unmarried, is concerned about the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and spirit; but one who is married is concerned about the things of the world, how she may please her husband.

This I say for your own benefit; not to put a restraint upon you, but to promote what is appropriate and to secure undistracted devotion to the Lord.

1 Corinthians 7:32-35

I wanted to be wholly undistracted & devoted to the Lord and I commited myself to seeking Him & Him alone and forsaking all other dating or intimate relationships until He clearly told me it was time! 

That decision to not date resulted in four years of developing an intimate relationship with the Lord where He became my “everything” and I grew more into the person He wanted me to become. I was able to fully serve others and led many close friends to the Lord as well as becoming a full time youth pastor ministering to hundreds of youth. 

A bonus to this “season of singleness” was being able to avoid the pointless dating, relationship & break up cycle that often results in a broken & damaged heart and physical impurity.

I shared how this “no dating” decision was met with disdain & ridicule by some friends, family members & even other believers.  I was considered “strange” or “out there” by many.  But I held my ground, despite others opinions, knowing that the Lord clearly led me to make this commitment.

That season lasted a short four years (although the girls shouted in unison &  in disbelief “FOUR YEARS!” like it was an eternity! Too funny!) and was an incredible and awesome time in my life!

Of course they then wanted to know – the rest of the story (how I met their daddy & got married!)  Next week – My love story with God as the matchmaker!

Every Tuesday afternoon, the girls (who are still homeschooled) and I have tea….complete with the nice china teacups, golden spoons, fancy table settings, cookies & classical music playing.  We have a wonderful hour of relaxation, conversation and learning about manners, courtship, and being a woman after Gods own heart.

“Sir Daniel Guy” joined us this week & was a perfect gentleman….although we know by next year this time he will forgo tea for a romp around the backyard! This week we read “The Princess and the Kiss”  by Jennie Bishop.  It is a delightful book that teaches children to value their purity and the beauty of saving themselves for marriage. We all enjoyed the story and the pictures. 

After finishing reading, the 4 year old declared that she was going to marry a cowboy before proceding to dump two tons of sugar into her tea.  The rest of the girlies (13, 12 & 8 year old) each shared their thoughts on the meaning and symbolism in the book.  They all loved the part where the future prince went to the princesses parents to ask if he could court her!  They agreed that they would be really impressed with any young man who would do that for them. I am praying that there are parents out there raising up those types of knights, warriors & princes who will one day come asking to court our daughters…the 6 princesses!